Mentioning one's spouse in casual conversation is something that most people take for granted. Many people share small meaningless details about their husband or wife with anyone and everyone they come into contact with and they think nothing of it. We hear these things from strangers and friends alike almost everyday: "My wife and I spent the weekend camping" "My husband just got a new job" "My wife is taking the kids to their grandma's house" the list goes on... No one ever bats an eyelash because its so unimportant... Until an LGBT person does it... I know it sounds like I'm exaggerating but I'm not. This doesn't bother me when I'm in a situation in which I can comfortably call Izi my wife. But in some places its just plain inappropriate to start something that could very well lead to a heated political or religious debate...
I refuse to lie but sometimes I can't tell the truth. In these situations I WILL NOT lie so I usually try to avoid the topic or change the topic but this hurts me deeply because it makes me feel like I'm ashamed of her. I am not now and never will be ashamed of her. She is the best thing in my life and every single day when I see her I think about how glad I am that something made me stop and turn around that night...
Our story begins at the University of Pittsburgh about eleven years ago now. I was a Resident Assistant in the Residence Halls and she lived in my building. Each weekend two of the RAs were assigned to be "On Duty" these people were meant to stay in their rooms from 8pm Friday until 8am Monday with only a few hours each day on break. They had to walk around the halls twice a night to assure that things were going well and there weren't any accidents, illnesses, or dangers present in the dorms. When an RA was on duty their room number and telephone number was posted on every floor so that residents would know who to contact in case of emergency or in case they had any questions.
We lived in an all female building that allowed male guests but had no male showers... there was a bathroom but no shower. Izi called me because my number was posted. She was having a male guest for the weekend and needed the name and number of a male RA in another building so that her guest could get a shower. I gave her the number of a good friend of mine and that was that... right? Not right... The next day I went to another building to pick up that friend who was also on duty that weekend. We had planned our breaks together and were intending to go to lunch. He introduced me to Izi's guest who turned out to be a friend I had known since kindergarten and had lost track of some five or six years prior. I was glad to see him and he told me which room he was staying in and invited me to stop by and say hello sometime before he left.
Later that night I was bored and it was still early enough so I decided to hop downstairs quickly to say hi. I wasn't supposed to leave my room but I was staying in the same building so I decided it wasn't a big deal. I hesitated at the door to consider what to say... It was a little weird... knocking on a stranger's door based on the word of a friend I hadn't seen in years... But I did it. I knocked and Izi answered the door. She was alone in the room and for a minute I thought I had gotten the room number wrong. I remember panicking in my head and trying to decide what exactly to say to explain my presence at her door at nine at night. I'm not one to dance around something so I chose straight forward with a bit of concern and said, "Hi! I'm Wyvern... the RA from upstairs, I was wondering how the shower situation was working out for your guest" To my immense relief she responded "Oh yes, he told me you might stop by" Again I felt a huge sense of relief! I hate making an ass out of myself so I was really glad that I had gotten the room right and she knew what I was talking about. I asked where he was and she explained he had gone out clubbing with some of his friends and she hadn't felt like going with them. I replied with something like "yeah clubbing isn't for everyone" or "I'm not much of a party-er either." We exchanged a few nonsense pleasantries and bid each other good night and as she closed the door I made a split second decision that changed my life... I stopped and turned and invited her to my room "I'm just watching movies... not very exciting but you're welcome to join me"
I don't know what prompted me to ask and I don't know what prompted her to accept the invitation... but I do know my life would be completely different had I just let her close that door. But I didn't let her close the door and she did accept my invitation... We went back to my room and turned on the Mummy but neither of us watched it. We spent hours and hours talking about everything and nothing of consequence. She was funny, sarcastic, and a bit shy but she had the most beautiful smile and about half way through the night I realized I wanted to kiss her. This was a shock to me because at this point I was still in the closet about my sexuality and I was still trying to deny even to myself that I liked girls much better than I liked boys. Sometime around three in the morning we both realized how late the hour had grown as I bid her goodnight I swore to myself that I would become her friend.
We were inseparable after that. We ate lunch and dinner together every day we spent the evenings studying or watching movies, occasionally we went dancing together. She even started helping me with my RA duties and such. This went on for over a year before we both realized it was more than friendship.
The rest as they say is history... In the last ten years we have been through thick and thin together. Homelessness, Bankruptcy, Unemployment, Relocating, Depression, Anxiety, Disability, discrimination, Losing friends and making new ones, being disowned by family, two surgeries, and at least three deaths that I can recall...throughout every struggle we've had each other. Promotions, Awards, Birthdays, Holidays, anniversaries, surprises, we've eliminated debt, signed leases, bought cars, reconciled with long lost relatives, ...throughout every triumph we've had each other We've laughed together, we've cried together, we've fought and bickered and irritated each other, we've planned a future together, we've supported each other and stood together against anything and everything this world has thrown at us. And I love her all the more for it. Every single day I look at this wonderful woman that has allowed me to share in her life and been willing to share in mine and I feel tears of joy in my eyes. I feel so grateful that we found each other when we did. There are many occasions that I'm not sure I would have come through had I had to face them alone. No one could ask for a better companion than I have in her and she in me... we complete each other in some ways I think even we don't truly understand.
All this... and I can't call her my wife?
All this and people call me names when they find out that I have a wife instead of a husband...
To those that oppose marriage equality I ask you: Is this not what a marriage is meant to be? Wouldn't you feel lucky to have a marriage like mine? Oh Thats right... I don't HAVE a MARRIAGE...we're just roommates that are unusually close...
~*Wyvern*~
